2006-06-08 - 11:08 p.m.

my depression returned.

today i rented a car, went to school, went to san diego, picked up my jeep, took my mom to work, and picked up dinner for my dad and brother. i'm exhausted. i felt like talking to my cousins and they of course didn't want to talk to me. so again i feel like i need a man so i won't feel lonely and have someone to talk to. BUT then again, i still feel that i don't need anyone for my emotional stability. then i remembered that guy that said he was going to call me, twice. i totally fell for the same vicious cycle of creating crushes on unavailable men. i was so ready to fight for this one but i didn't want to be desperate. and here i am, thinking about him. so lame. all these conflicting emotions/thought are extremely aggravating. my head hurts and feels like it's going to explode. how could i not feel like destroying everyone else's happiness? i can't be happy for someone else's happiness. yes i'm bitter but i can live with that. or can i? whatever, whatever, i do what i want. now i have to something everyone will regret.

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