2004-07-27 - 4:51 p.m.

leg is still being stupid. it all stems from my back problems. i feel sick and very much depressed. i can't help but wonder if my leg will ever go back to normal. before this happened i was on my way to change my ways. i was working harder and longer hours. i was walking more and i was looking into changing diets. now i'm too tired to care about being awake. my mom is also losing patience and wants/needs my help but i can't give any. i just don't seem to care about anything and it's hard to care about anyone. i do however find myself yearning companionship. i also seem to lust over the male physique more. i am not sure if it's because i'm lonely or because i feel jealous of the looking and healthy men out there.

it's not worth it.

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