2003-10-19 - 11:20 p.m.

beloved,

i checked my yahoo e-mail today and deleted all e-mails that referred to a "secret weapon" on the subject line. i am going to assume that they had something to do with my last entry. i am somewhat amuzed how spammers interpreted that entry, thinking that my "secret plan" was an object. my new tool is an object, but is not sexual in any way, shape or form. my tool is not a secret and i am yet to use it to gauge it's power.

my life has been moving along. i have not been able to distinguish individual days or weeks. it's all a blur. my consciousness feels like a really long day that never ends. i rented the Sims for PS2 and found it boring at first. then i could not stop for hours. now, i see my life as the gameplay of the Sims with no real schedule to do things. i just do them as needed. i might ask for a vacation. i certainly deserve one. i have enough hours saved up to take a week but i doubt that i will be able to take the whole week because of available help at work. sucks. but it must be like so.

i do not know if i will dress up for halloween. i did very much enjoy last halloween with my xboss and his hubby. although, i still don't know why he got mad with hubby. it is so inconvinient to have feelings in a full spectrum when all i want to feel is happiness.

"bye, bye sweet caress, goodbye, loneliness...i think i'm gonna die. i think he's gonna."

all my good deeds are eclipsed by my evil thoughts...oh yeah, and by the actual evil deeds that no one knows about. i guess they are not that bad if they have not really affected any one. the only way the would affect the victims is if they knew about the evil deeds. there it is then, hear no evil, see no evil.

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