2003-10-09 - 9:00 p.m.

beloved,

i thought my secret plan was uncovered, but no, i'm safe...for now. i must be still for awhile. my intended target was a no show. however, now i have acquired a new one, not as good but it will have to do. my new tool came in the mail and i await a chance to use it. my evidence is scattered throughout, anyone of it could lead to me. it's okay. i don't see any other way out. i don't have a paradigm to guide me.

at work, i said hi to Nick. i wanted to chat but then i got home and wondered why. i don't know anything about him and i don't really have anything to say to him. i am collapsing inside. my body aches horribly and i am very lonely. but i must go forward, even if i must do it blindly.

i cannot imagine happiness for me.

bye bye life, goodbye happiness, hello emptiness, i think i'm going to die, I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE.

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