2003-07-15 - 11:59 p.m.

dearest beloved,

i cut some of my hair off yesterday. i was plucking away my hair as usual, and then i started tearing off the blond part of my hair. i got tired of having the blond hair so i cut it off in the bathroom. i didn't cut off all of the blond but my hair is definitely shorter.

i only feel tired physically. i don't feel anything emotionally. i called my cousin and she seems distant. i guess she doesn't need anything from me.

i called xboss, but no answer. not that i need to talk to him but i have not heard anything from him. he has done great things for me, especially the last thing that he did for me. however, i hope that he does not think i only speak to him when i want something. all i really wanted from him was a long friendship. maybe one day i will be able to connect with people. maybe i will know what it's like to live without fear. blah, blah, blah.

i called fernando but he was with his friends. he had called me on sunday but i didn't know about it till now.

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