2003-06-28 - 12:08 a.m.

dearest beloved,

no one answers my calls. no one. it's eerie. wait, my cousin called me back. too bad my phone was dead. i wonder what my aunt wanted. duh, i can check....what? she wanted to borrow my camcorder. but i don't have a camcorder. my daddy has one...maybe she meant to ask my dad. who knows?

work was, hmm, work was... i don't know. it was ok. not busy but i made myself busy by organizing the bags and the albums. they were so messy. i can't seem to be able to please bryan. should i try harder or give up? it's the lack of communication that makes me feel useless and that irritates me. i like to speak about nothing with small traces of meaning and he speaks very little with a lot of information. too much information for me to absorb at once.

i try to get him to do more but then he tries to get me to adjust to him and his new way of doing paperwork. but, whatever, whatever, i do what i want. i am trying, however, to adapt as fast as possible to his methods. however, there is so much more paperwork the way he does it. so unnecessary in my opinion. then again, i'm not in charge. i must respect his techniques as i would want my techniques to be respected. i must go get some techniques. jabari seems all right. still we need more peeps. and fast cause they need to be trained. jabari is still being trained. he's getting more training than i ever got. i feel kinda jealous. but not really. i don't really feel too much of anything. i do feel a tad lonely, angry, confused, alone, sad, suicidal, homocidal, alienated, and so on. must go. dad is reading my screen as i write this down.

night.

call me.

you know who you are. (all of you.)

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