2003-06-26 - 4:20 p.m.

dearest beloved,

i can't save or destroy the world. i don't know how to get there. once i get there i won't come back. i feel more digusting every minute. my life as a troll.

i'm a troll, but not like the cute ones from Russ. remember the troll craze...kinda like the trolls from the lord of the rings: the fellowship of the rings.

jeff is going to look at my car. he wants to date my cousin. hmm. first i will have to see what he has to offer. i'll check him out like he is going to check out my car. i can't stop.

where are you jeremy? should i or shouldn't i? my cousin got me thinking that perhaps i shouldn't get rid of him yet, jeremy that is. can't think. i won't call him, he will have to call me first before i decide.

dammit, i called jamie, "ryan." sorry jamie...i'm an asshole.

who are all this people?

i bought a bottle of absolut vanilla, like the one my cousin "acquired," because she didn't share with me. that stuff is too strong for me. my throat gets really dry and it hurts. my body gets warm and my hearts races. that can't be good. not sure either way, but only half a bottle to go.

i leave my absolut on top of my dresser drawers. the bottle is beautiful enough that my parents don't realize what it is. plus i turn the lettering around so that they only see the frosted side with no distinguishing letters.

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