2003-06-09 - 3:44 p.m.

dearest beloved,

i took cousin to jeremy's party. jeremy looked well. his placed has improved somewhat. he and his roommates built a bar. we got there around eight. we were too early. i drank some, i shouldn't of have because i hadn't eaten anything. i wanted a hamburger and someone was going to make me one but i was dizzy from drinking and i forgot to get it or something. then people started to come. a lot of jeremy's co-workers. he works with a lot of good looking people. bastard. anyway, cousin and i were not really intergrating into the party. but hey, free alcohol. and free food, of course, not that i ate as much as i thought i was going to. it was cool to see jeremy but we didn't catch up. he is more friendly with my cousin and he seems to want to remain friends with me, but i don't think he has the time. i told him at the party that we didn't fit in because of all his other friends. he made it seem like they were not really his friends, but they do consider a friend. anyway, it would be best if i continue not to speak to him. i did have a nice time at his place but i would definitely not go back. i won't even return for my radiohead cd. there are diffirent reasons why i am choosing not to talk to him. mainly, i act diffirent towards him because he is sort of uptight. another reason is his new job. he seems to be always working. another is that i do care for him, but not physically, nor do i love him. i don't know what it is. it's the same thing that irritates me about him that i like in him. and we had gotten to the point that he would only call me when he needed something from me.

today, i tried to call the payroll department but i did not know who our representative is. i called tony and he didn't know. he was going to call me...at the store...i'm at home. i called my store to see who was there and to ask. bryan, my new store manager, answer and he didn't know. i called arcadia and john didn't know but he put heather on the phone. i asked her and she answered me with a single word--Sally. i didn't understand and she repeated "Sally." i thanked her and made my call. i sometimes feel like i am playing tug-o-war with her. i'm not against her nor am i trying to oppose her in anyway, but she has that vibe.

my leg is starting to hurt again.

i need to email my Xboss.

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