2003-01-27 - 10:15 p.m.

dearest beloved,

i never learn. now my back-up reference point of normality is leaving me. jeremy is going away. first mike went to that aweful store, and jeremy, well, i'm not even sure where he is going, but he is definitely going. i wonder if i had anything to do with him leaving. it doesn't really matter. i just plain forgot that nothing really matters. my body is tired. mother gave me her cold or flu...it took her by surprise and it weakened her so fast. she's already feeling better but i'm just starting. combined with my unstable state of mind, things at work and at home are bound to be explosive.

i never learn from the past.

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