2001-11-13 - 1:03 a.m.

Dearest Beloved,

I really want this car that I'm trying to buy. I can't stay at home to do the things I want to do until I'm able to travel far, far away.

All the money I intended to use is frozen in a paypal account. I got so desperate that I asked my auntie for a loan. I was going to ask my cousin Laura too, but my brother got home and mom decided to ask him for me. I don't like to ask him for anything because all I get is a sermon, like the one's my grandfather use to give us when we would ask him for a loan. That is one of the reasons my grandfather isn't very popular.

Anyway, as I expected, my brother made me feel like a stranger. He always lends other people money. He lent my auntie money and his credit. He lends his friends money. Whenever he tries to buy anything for when we rarely go out together, I ALWAYS pay for my own stuff. For example, I asked him to take me to Costco recently and he tried to pay for my stuff. I utterly refused and paid my way. When he rarely takes me to the movies and he offers to buy a soda or popcorn, I only get a medium soda. I only get him to pay for my food when I go out with him and his friends and he pays for them. If he is going to pay for his friends, he might as well pay for me. So I pay for the major things that he tries to buy for me.

It wasn't really the fact that I knew he was going lecture me if I asked him for a loan that made me hesitate, it feels too horrible to be treated like this by a blood relative. He treats his friends better than me. I guess it's because he got to choose his friends and he's just stuck with me as his brother.

I just want my car........dv, leave a note.

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