2001-09-01 - 1:17 a.m.

Dearest Beloved,

I feel disgusted with myself for just having wasted two hours. I don't feel comfortable enough to even write what it was that was so terrible, however, I do not plan on continuing with such behavior.

As for my last entry. I left out the part where I was not very kind to James, but I was being myself. So the last entry still stands. I could not be all nice and fake because that's not who I am. And I don't want to make it as if my cousin is a terrible person, but she does need to look within herself and her surroundings. It is easy for me to say because it is not my life, as it would easy for her to point out my faults.

In conclusion, I will not go to Otakon, and not because I think James and I won't get along. It has nothing to do with the fact that I think she's still using me so that she can go, even if she does like hanging out with me, which is why I serve several functions to her, such as guardian and source of money. I did enjoy Otakon but the true reason that I can't go... no money.

I could get money from my credit cards and finance this trip like the previous, but I'm so deep in debt that adding such an expense would certainly keep me at my dead end job.

*Ray, stop reading my diary. Get your own.*

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