2001-07-15 - 2:02 a.m.

dearest beloved,

i am going crazy again. my nerves and my emotions are really out of control. i don't want to use anything to fix myself. i hate using things. i hate asking for help. i want to feel like i accomplish things by myself without help. getting help is like saying that you're weak. that you aren't strong enough. but then again... doing what you have to do to get things done would include asking for help. so therefore, asking for help when needed and in it's minimal sense wouldn't really take away from a sense of self-worth or accomplishment or your manhood, if you may.

i think i got it more confused than before.

all this is a result of my mental health instability.

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